Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Playing House

I never really envisioned what my wedding day would be like.  I never imagined what it would be like to actually be married or what it would be like to be a mom.  I'm a planner, BUT...I didn't want to picture a life that might be different from my expectations, and I wanted it to unassumingly unveil itself...to be a beautiful surprise.

Today, Michael took Levi to the park and grocery store, giving me the first alone time I've had at our new house to date. 

It was...nice. 

It gave me some time to reflect on where we are as a family, where I am with God, to clean & organize, and to listen to any music I wanted as loud as I wanted.  Michael doesn't share my love for Dar Williams. 

While I had the house to myself, I realized how much I have "grown up" as a woman. 

Wasn't I just a little girl yesterday?  ...playing with Barbies and asking my own mom to get down on the floor and play with me?

Sometimes, it feels like I'm playing house. I suppose I'm still a little girl in many ways, and cannot fully grasp the fact that I am now the one who is being looked up to as I cook dinners and pour juice into sippy cups. I'm the one who seems so tall, who sings silly songs to the backseat audience, who scoops him up when he falls, who ties his double knot escaping shoe laces...  Now, I'm the mom. 

There's a tiny, little guy tugging at my pants everywhere I go, and... I. Love. It. 

It's excitingly shocking when I look down at his sweet face and see that he looks like me...that I am his mom, and that he has a delightful personality of his own.  It feels wonderfully surreal. 

Isn't God amazing?  Isn't it incredible that we are given the ability to create these little people? 

I never imagined how rewarding it would be to be married, to have a child, and to have another child on the way. 


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